How to have a civil online community

Published on Monday, January 11, 2010 By Brad Wardell In Everything Else

What is the best way to have a civil online community? There are lots of opinions on this. My position has always been to eliminate toxic users as quickly as possible. Ban them.

Debating a topic: Good. Personalizing the debate: Getting onto thin ice. Attacking people in the debate: Over the line.

Over on Neowin.net, we’ve been trying to find ways to clean up the forums. News comments and forum posts there are pretty rough and much of that is, I believe, because of the light hand given to punishing or eliminating users who are, well, jerks.

Like most discussions, it is HOW a point id expressed that leads to trouble.

Most people who get moderated/warned feel they were unjustly picked on - even users who just got done using a string of profanity to describe someone's mother.

From a discussion on Neowin.net:

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The greatest thing about you, Brad, is that you are engaged with the community. Being the CEO of Stardock and a Moderator here is really a blessing. You have to realize though that not everyone is going to hold back just because you're in a position of power here.

Certainly, I realize that. However, the onus isn't on me to accept abuse.

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I maintain that it was an opinion, but again, I'm trying to give you options to better your company. I didn't feel it was a true insult and remember, you insulted yourself a few times in that thread, using stereotypes of "Frogboy being X".

I would submit that a user insulting themselves is not a violation of Neowin's rules.

However, again, *any* time you turn a discussion away from the topic and onto a person you are treading on thin ice. We can rationalize the validity of the personal discussion but at the end of the day, moving from discussing a TOPIC to discussing a PERSON is a move from green to yellow.

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I respect you, whether or not I said it. Maybe you are so used to people truly attacking you, that when someone slightly does, you put up a wall. I'm no psychologist, but I have a feeling there is a bit of truth to this. And yes, if you were throwing things and calling me an "ass" like you did.

This is why making it personal is a bad thing because people naturally want to respond in kind.

In your previous message you said "Don't throw a tantrum if you don't get your way." I can tell you that's a pretty provocative thing to say.

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...and threatened to kick me out of your house PERMANENTLY and vow for me to never return, not only would I say that to your face, I would laugh and find a house that isn't made of glass, with rocks as foundation.

Then don't be surprised when you're not welcome at said house. If you can't behave in a way that is acceptable to the owners and moderators of a site, then you're not going to be welcome there.

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To continue though, you do need a thicker skin on here.

Except, no, I really don't. And more to the point: Neither do the users of Neowin.

The answer is NOT for people to get a thicker skin. The answer is for those people who like to make discussions personal to tread carefully.

Discussing the topic: Green.
Discussing a person in the conversation: Yellow.
Attacking the person: Red.

The issue of "consistent moderation" boils down to someone saying they didn't really go through a red light but an "orange" light whereas someone else was clearly going through a red. The best route imo is to simply avoid the yellow light.

(original http://www.neowin.net/forum/index.php?showtopic=862112&st=345)